Five Reasons Traditional Marriage Therapy May Not Work If Your Spouse Has An ASD / Rigidity Issue!
Therapy can be a real boon for any marriage, not just those seemingly on the brink. Conventional couples’ counselors and therapists save marriages every day.
But if your spouse deals with Asperger’s or any other ASD rigidity type issue, it’s critical to factor this in before choosing a therapist…
Not every marriage issue carries 50/50 responsibility.
Anyone who has hit big milestones during therapy can tell you: it’s hard work!/
Most therapists and counselors will expect both parties to agree to put in the work necessary to improve their relationship. Moreover, it’s expected that both spouses come through in taking responsibility./
But if one of you is also working with an ASD such as Asperger’s, it can take the focus off of the core issue by labeling it as traditional marital discord.
Compromises won’t necessarily work.
There’s no doubt that your marriage therapist will have suggestions about how to better navigate sticky situations in your partnership.
However, individuals with Asperger’s, or “Aspies”, are often too rigid to implement the compromising techniques offered in traditional therapy. In fact, the ASD sufferer by definition lacks the skills to effectively compromise.
A therapist experienced with Asperger’s and ASD will acknowledge these deficiencies before therapy even begins, and offer techniques more suitable to your partnership.
Traditional therapists are speaking a different language.
Emotional Focused Therapy, or EFT, is the most proven modality effect in marriage therapy.
It can really work for you, no matter where you’re at in your marriage. Great, right? Well, not if you or your partner deals with Asperger’s or another ASD. Why is that?
EFT is based on emotional language! Those with ASD are often very limited in their emotional language. They require a lot more logic for concepts to really hit home.
Feeling understood.
If you’re married to someone with Asperger’s, it’s fair to say that most people don’t understand what you go through. To be completely fair, a lot of therapists wouldn’t be able to fully comprehend it themselves.
“The therapist just doesn’t really get it.”
Would it surprise you to know that that’s the number one complaint from spouses married to ASD individuals, who are in couples’ therapy?
You see, traditional marriage therapists can unintentionally invalidate the feelings of a non-ASD spouse. You want to choose someone who knows how difficult it really is for a spouse to live with a partner with ASD.
Specialized treatment is not all about your partner. Even if you’re not the party with ASD, your experience can be more fully understood and appreciated by a therapist who treats the disorder.
Your partner is completely clueless.
Marriage therapy is about much more than airing your grievances. But inevitably, you will need to discuss what bothers you in detail.
Individuals with Asperger’s often have great difficulty understanding what they may be doing wrong!
They aren’t selfish, it’s simply how the ASD mind works. It helps to take a step back and ask: How can any therapy be effective if the parties involved don’t recognize a problem?
For many, that’s the main reason they seek couples’ therapy in the first place. Doesn’t it make more sense to reach out to a professional who is prepared to bridge the gap?
Bear in mind that this can apply to people who haven’t been formally diagnosed with ASD. It’s still possible that similar rigidity issues are responsible for your unsuccessful marriage therapy thus far. Stop hitting walls – dismantle them. With therapy customized to the unique dynamics of your marriage, you can save time, grief, and your relationship.